This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

- Sometimes what you think are ghosts from your past could still be very much alive. The problem is, it’s quite hard to distinguish whether you want them haunting you or not.

- Mia can count 1 thru 10! She keeps missing 5 and 6 but hey, if she got everything perfect all the time then I really wouldn’t have much to do.

- Working to live. Living to work. When you start wishing time would stop so that you can work more, it’s not good. But I wonder if i’m gonna get a raise this year?

- That little dream of becoming a pro photographer is fading fast quickly. sigh.

- Mia is playing with her V-Tech laptop from her ninong Joel. I wonder if she’ll
get the same British accent?

- I’m missing my friends. All work and no play. *pout* I just wish some of them would get married already. Para makaabay na din si Mia.

- To go or not to go. That is the question. Unfortunately I only have 6 days left to come up with an answer.

- 2009 will be my year. Anytime now. Anytime…

- To write and to shoot. And get paid ridiculously high fees for it. That is my dream job.

- Getting unexpected hugs and kisses from that little person who calls you mommy is bestest feeling in the whole world.

Magpapaliban dapat ako ng entry ngayong linggo. Pero di ko mapigilan.

Tumawag ka kasi. Nalaman ko tuloy na hindi ka magbabago. Para sa akin, kasing tingkad ng bulaklak na ito ang mga sinabi mo. At hindi kukupas, kailanman.

Kahit ako ang magbago.

I don’t think I want this anymore
As she drops the ring to the floor
She says to herself: ‘You’ve left before’
This time you will stay gone, that’s for sure

And he shattered something else
To drag her suitcase down the path,
To the driveway.
She had never gone that far.

Normally this would be the time
That she would let him talk her out of leaving,
But this time, without crying,
As she got into her car, she said,

No happily never after,
That just ain’t for me, because finally
I know I deserve better after all,
I’ll never let another teardrop fall.

As she drove away she starts to smile,
Realized she hadn’t for a while.
No destination, she drove for miles
Wondering why she stayed in such denial.

She was laughing about the way he shattered something else
To drag her suitcase down the path,
To the driveway.
She had never gone that far

Normally this would be, the time that she
Would let him talk her out of leaving,
But this time, without crying,
As she got into her car, she said,

No happily never after,
That just ain’t for me, because finally
I know I deserve better after all,
I’ll never let another tear drop fall.

I’m done, I’m done, said I’m so done
I’m free, I’m free, so free
Free to feel the way I feel, yeah.

She inhales a breath she’d never breathed before
Don’t want no drama no more.

No happily never after,
That just ain’t for me,
I know I deserve better after all,
I’ll never let another teardrop fall.

No happily never after,
That just ain’t for me,
I know I deserve better after all,
I’ll never let another teardrop fall.

No happily never after,
That just ain’t for me,
I know I deserve better after all,
I’ll never let another teardrop fall.

Said I’m done, I’m done, I’m done

—

I know the photo is not even perfect for it. But nevertheless.

Minolta manual SLR. Copyright 2003.

Well not really from Rome, I just wanted to give this post an apt title. I just uncovered some love letters and not-so-love letters from ages ago (and yes you can bet it’s cheeeeesy) and I just had to relive the memories…

—

R,

You know what, I’m tired. I’m tired of playing the game with you. You play me for a fool, every time we’re together lagi nalang tayo nag-aaway. Nakakasawa na. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nato-tolerate ko pa. Maybe because I love you too much. Too much it hurts. I want to believe you, but can you blame me if I find it so hard to do? I have a reason, don’t I? So hindi pala ako

paranoid for no reason. Lahat ng iniisip ko about you tama.

How could you do this? You’re making me feel like a spare tire, something to fall back on, just in case. You know what, I don’t deserve this. I keep thinking I should give you the benefit of the doubt but you just don’t give me enough reason to. I feel like I really don’t mean that much to you and that you’re just using me to feed your ego and to feel

secure. Well, wake up boy. Not everything has to go your way.

Note: Written during the frustrated days of being with someone whose habit was to be chronically unfaithful.

—

R,

I am gonna miss you. I’d lie if I say I wouldn’t. Why you have to go away this far, maybe it’s for the best. So I wouldn’t have to see you every week, so I wouldn’t have to look forward to seeing you every time. When you come back, when you’re through there in B, I don’t know if I’ll still be here then. Of course I’ll be here, I’m not going anywhere literally. But I don’t know if I’d still be here — for you.

Or maybe it’ll be the other way around. Maybe when you come back, you won’t be coming back to me. Maybe to someone else. Maybe it’ll still be her. Maybe when you’re away you’d still love her. She will still be your girlfriend.

It hurts, saying these things to myself. Trying to convince myself that you’re not the one for me. That I shouldn’t be loving you at all. I’m trying my best, R. I’m trying my best to unlove you. After all these years. Now you’re going away, maybe it’ll be a lot easier to unlove you.

You’ll be farther away, I won’t be seeing you, and some sinister self-gratifying thought tells me that you’ll be far away from her too. That seems oddly enough for me.

I love you, I still do. Hopefully that ends now, now that you’re leaving. Take care of yourself.

Note: About a year after finding out that the object of my desire and hatred was transferring elsewhere for work.

—

It’s amazing how emotions are contained in handwritten letters. These days, text messages don’t even do you justice. How could have we taken it for granted? Of course these letters were not sent at all; they were just outlets. Still, writing everything down can make a big difference compared to typing it up. Won’t you agree?