Nap Time Rocks!

Well not really from Rome, I just wanted to give this post an apt title. I just uncovered some love letters and not-so-love letters from ages ago (and yes you can bet it’s cheeeeesy) and I just had to relive the memories…

—

R,

You know what, I’m tired. I’m tired of playing the game with you. You play me for a fool, every time we’re together lagi nalang tayo nag-aaway. Nakakasawa na. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nato-tolerate ko pa. Maybe because I love you too much. Too much it hurts. I want to believe you, but can you blame me if I find it so hard to do? I have a reason, don’t I? So hindi pala ako

paranoid for no reason. Lahat ng iniisip ko about you tama.

How could you do this? You’re making me feel like a spare tire, something to fall back on, just in case. You know what, I don’t deserve this. I keep thinking I should give you the benefit of the doubt but you just don’t give me enough reason to. I feel like I really don’t mean that much to you and that you’re just using me to feed your ego and to feel

secure. Well, wake up boy. Not everything has to go your way.

Note: Written during the frustrated days of being with someone whose habit was to be chronically unfaithful.

—

R,

I am gonna miss you. I’d lie if I say I wouldn’t. Why you have to go away this far, maybe it’s for the best. So I wouldn’t have to see you every week, so I wouldn’t have to look forward to seeing you every time. When you come back, when you’re through there in B, I don’t know if I’ll still be here then. Of course I’ll be here, I’m not going anywhere literally. But I don’t know if I’d still be here — for you.

Or maybe it’ll be the other way around. Maybe when you come back, you won’t be coming back to me. Maybe to someone else. Maybe it’ll still be her. Maybe when you’re away you’d still love her. She will still be your girlfriend.

It hurts, saying these things to myself. Trying to convince myself that you’re not the one for me. That I shouldn’t be loving you at all. I’m trying my best, R. I’m trying my best to unlove you. After all these years. Now you’re going away, maybe it’ll be a lot easier to unlove you.

You’ll be farther away, I won’t be seeing you, and some sinister self-gratifying thought tells me that you’ll be far away from her too. That seems oddly enough for me.

I love you, I still do. Hopefully that ends now, now that you’re leaving. Take care of yourself.

Note: About a year after finding out that the object of my desire and hatred was transferring elsewhere for work.

—

It’s amazing how emotions are contained in handwritten letters. These days, text messages don’t even do you justice. How could have we taken it for granted? Of course these letters were not sent at all; they were just outlets. Still, writing everything down can make a big difference compared to typing it up. Won’t you agree?

How many fights would actually be avoided if we just took time to realize? *sigh*

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you.

(more…)

Enough is enough.

Though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer,
and these the last verses that I write for him.

– (more…)

… they say, when you’re having fun. Days are going by so fast but I’m not exactly having a blast. Except when it’s spent with Mia,

or in a warm bath with no one to bother you but the alarm clock that says it’s dinner time.

I got lucky to get a room to myself during a 1 1/2 day convention at the Renaissance Hotel. It was lonely at first but after a looong day, the bath was such a welcome distraction to my then-depressed state.

What do you do, when something like a permanent fixture in your life gets yanked out? For me It’s like pulling the plug in the drain. The water quickly disappears into the hole and you wish you went down with it. Crushed. Alone, again.

I wish it was Monday again.

when is it time to say goodbye?

from me to you:

have a good year ahead. you’ve always been there and will always be a part of us. knowing you has proven to me that not all fairy tales have a happy ending. sometimes, the hero gets killed too. sometimes, we don’t get what we want. oh well. but life’s like that right?

but the best part of it is that the princess meets her prince, the enchanted frog gets his kiss, the evil witch is destroyed, and there are unicorns and butterflies and rainbows and cute animals in between. that’s how it is. and it’s so much nicer if you think of it that way.

so again, have a happy life. maybe with or without me.

happy birthday.

Blogged with Flock

know what, it’s not even worth it. some people are just clueless about the things that happen around them. why don’t you just ask him?

——–

i see you beside me
it’s only a dream
a vision of what used to be
the laughters my sorrows
pictures in time
fading to memories

how could i ever let you go
is it too late to let you know

i tried to run from your side
but each place i hide
it only reminds me of you
when i turned out all the lights
even the night
it only reminds me of you

i needed my freedom
thats what i thought
but i was a fool to believe
my heart cried while you cry
rivers of tears
but i was too blind to see

all that we’ve ever through before
now it needs so much more

i tried to run from your side
but each place i hide
it only reminds me of you
when i turned out all the lights
even the night
it only reminds me of you

so come back to me
i’m down on my knees
girl cant you see

how could i ever let you go
is it too late to let you know

——-

damn pimple. half of my face has been bloated because of an itty bitty small pimple under my nose. it looked pretty harmless one day, and then threatened to make me uglier in the next. i didn’t even go to work yesterday because i was really feeling bad (because of my half-bloated face and because of other things). the meds my doctor cousin told me to take is taking its sweet time to do its job. hay.

anyway, back to a gloomy week.

a fountain of tears is welling up inside

there’s a big dam holding it in

yes it’s painful

damn