Nap Time Rocks!

I am thankful for… [LP]

1..

2..

(better viewed in widescreen; click to view larger version)

3..

patawad dahil naipost ko na dati yung last 2 photos. pero yan lang kasi ang feel kong perfect pictures ng gusto kong ipagpasalamat sa taong nagdaan.

salamat, Lord.

–

Eastwood QC / Dimakya Is. Palawan | 2009 | Canon EOS 400D | postprocessed using Photoscape

it ends tonight

like i said, this blog has had nothing new in the last 2-3 weeks. so it ends now. i think, what am i supposed to write about? oh hey, i’ve forgotten, i take pictures too.

blue green is my favorite color. it’s melancholic in a lot of ways, but it’s different.

like how i want my life to be different in so many ways. i think, when will that be? and then,

“It’s never too late to do what is right.” -Charles Swindoll

i think i’ve done something right. i’ve donated blood, scraped up all remaining excess stuff in our house to give away to those who need them more, and did not complain how the stinking floodwater reached up to chest deep to spoil everything my brothers weren’t able to save (meanwhile, mia and i were stranded in Taytay).  but i still feel that it’s not enough.

hay, Lord. when will that be? and then,

“…how many times have I broken your heart? and still You forgive, if only I ask…”

thanks to Ondoy…

the blog is now worth 2 weeks of nothing new :{

i’ve found some self-worth in helping other people

i’ve realized how much the world needs God

i’ve realized how much I need Him

i’ve realized how much (or little) i’ve done to remedy that need

the August that was, konti nalang

just as i start to ask, “can someone please explain wild August to me!?” (barring any more mishaps during the weekend), He sends me this answer:

August 28, 2009

VERSE:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
– Romans 8:28
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Romans+8:28

THOUGHT:
Bad stuff happens in life. Satan has a part to play in the bad
stuff. Our own sins and their consequences also play a part. The
rebellion against God and the spiritual weakness in those we love
bring hurtful things into our life. Sometimes, God even disciplines
us to awaken us out of lethargy or to correct some sinful problem
in our lives. Yet in all these things, we have an incredible
promise: If we love God and are seeking to honor his call in our
lives, our Father in heaven will work out all of the things going
on in our life for our good.

PRAYER:
Father, I appreciate your promise to work out all things in my
life, both good and bad, for my good. I ask, dear Father, for faith
to believe this promise is true during painful and difficult times.
I ask for patience, O God, to hang on to my convictions when trying
times persist. I believe your promise, dear LORD, and look forward
to what you will eventually make of me when you are finished with
your work. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen.

http://www.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/todaysverse.cgi?day=20090828

those who had the unfortunate chance to talk to me lately this month (or those i actually spend most of my working days with) would know what kind of misfortunes i’ve been surrounded with this whole month.

it’s been unreal. first my mom’s operation, and then the work-related theft. not that it matters to me personally, but tita cory started it off on Aug 1. stress, stress, stress.

then again, like His promise, all things will work out for the good.

Lord, it just gets tiring, you know?

Note to self: about my ‘therapist’…

“We make the fatal assumption that we are ok in what we are doing and in our priorities. all we lack is adequate resources… the place of solitude not a private therapeutic place. It is the place of conversion.” – Dare to Journey, Henri Nouwen

i used to think God was my personal therapist and prayer time is an unbilled session with Him. until i came across the Henri Nouwen devotional. so often have we tried to fit God into a box so He can just be an instant solution to everything. sort of like a genie that didn’t live in a bottle.

but i’ve discovered He cannot be and will never be a convenient crutch to me. He has an agenda much bigger than what i can imagine.

“[God] is seldom impressed with our definitions of what is important.” -Henri Nouwen

No room for error

TILL YOU ARE ENTIRELY HIS

Let your endurance be a finished product, so that you
may be finished and complete, with never a defect.

James 1:4
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=jas+1:4&sr=1

Many of us are all right in the main, but there are some domains in
which we are slovenly. It is not a question of sin, but of the
remnants of the carnal life which are apt to make us slovenly.
Slovenliness is an insult to the Holy Ghost. There should be nothing
slovenly, whether it be in the way we eat and drink, or in the way we
worship God.

Not only must our relationship to God be right, but the external
expression of that relationship must be right. Ultimately God will
let nothing escape, every detail is under His scrutiny. In numberless
ways God will bring us back to the same point over and over again. He
never tires of bringing us to the one point until we learn the
lesson, because He is producing the finished product. It may be a
question of impulse, and again and again, with the most persistent
patience, God has brought us back to the one particular point; or it
may be mental wool-gathering, or independent individuality. God is
trying to impress upon us the one thing that is not entirely right.

We have been having a wonderful time this Session over the revelation
of God’s Redemption, our hearts are perfect towards Him; His
wonderful work in us makes us know that in the main we are right with
Him. “Now,” says the Spirit, through St. James, “let your endurance
be a finished product.” Watch the slipshod bits – “Oh, that will have
to do for now.” Whatever it is, God will point it out with
persistence until we are entirely His.

-My Utmost For His Highest

it’s hard to follow Him, but then again, the rewards are beyond measure.

and then there was rain

i was fighting sleepiness while driving in horrible traffic (what’s new) in SLEX, northbound today. my eyes were really getting heeeyveee… and any time i could really doze off because we were just inching forward, sometimes not at all for a full minute.

i’ve turned up the volume on my radio, sang to it (even if i didn’t know most of the lyrics, so what if i looked stupid nodding and tapping away on the wheel), and even attempted to dance. nothing worked, i was still sleeeepy.

and did i mention it was scorching hot outside? i just came from calamba because of work and it was unbelievable that only a couple of hours before, it was pouring. the heat did not help at all.

i already had some brilliant ideas to keep myself awake, which i’d say, aren’t as brilliant really, but i had nothing else. i considered calling an ex but thought that was a bad idea even if he was the one who came to me first (and i said no excuses, what the hell was i thinking?) and was already contemplating on scrolling down to the-one-that-got-away’s number, when i prayed out loud, “Lord pleeeease. don’t let me get sleepier.”

and then there was rain. hard-pouring, pounding, visibility-up-to-50-meters-only kind of rain and i literally had to keep my eyes open to watch out for any road object (which include cars without their hazard lights on). i got home and immediately fell asleep as soon as i hit the bed.

talk about sense of humor. if there’s anyone who knew just how to amuse me just when i need it the most, it could only be Him.

Unexpected kisses and more

1. Flower Cross Process, 2. Curious Mia, 3. Stalker, 4. Long day, 5. water nymph, 6. Stop, 7. Street Pulse, 8. monk, 9. the beach, 10. who, me?, 11. contact prints, 12. picking shells, 13. kiss!, 14. hands, 15. the missing bead, 16. it’s all ok

Things I learned looking at the world through the lens.

1. When God closes the door, He opens a window. I lost some of my good photos when my brother accidentally reformatted the backup drive. But some of them survived and I got the chance to use them for a meme entry. I thought I didn’t have anything else, and it turned out to be better than I expected.
2. When your child shares with you a discovery, pay real good attention. You might just learn a few things of your own. Like how beautiful it is to be looking at a little person’s delighted smile.
3. Even mundane things can be something extraordinary. All it takes is a bit of different perspective.
4. Sometimes days are just too long.
5. Chance encounters are always something to look forward to.
6. Waiting can be a drag, but you never know what you get afterward.
7. Living in the fast lane is both dangerous and beautiful. Or either one.
8. Sometimes just sitting still is the best solution.
9. Life’s a beach.
10. Good genes. When I was in nursery, my ambition was to be an artist, just like my dad.
11. Film will always rock.
12. Never stifle a child’s curiosity.
13. A kiss from your kid is always the best thing in the world, especially when it’s unexpected.
14. Even tiny hands can hold so much hope.
15. Branded or not, nasa nagdadala yan.
16. It’s funny how great a change one’s life can have. The key there is how you embrace it and make the most out of it.

—

My good friend P inspired this Flickr mosaic tag. Go and grab if you feel like it!

Going blind

I ventured into unfamiliar territory with a just a click of the mouse.

Whatever reasons I’ve cooked up in the past year or so just so I can stay put are quickly vanishing into thin air. This isn’t just a function of x squared multiplied by the square root of y divided by one half of infinity, you know, financial reasons.

I’m finally mustering enough energy to go see the world out there and live in it. I’m applying for an immigrant visa to a country where Christmas isn’t Christmas if it isn’t white; you fail the driving exam three times for turning a corner too slow and a 5-year driving history does not even hold water; feeding the dog leftovers is a crime; and if you’re unemployed the government makes use of its faithful citizens’ taxes to give you an allowance.

It sounded absurd to my virgin Pinoy ears that the government actually works in some parts of the universe. And maybe it’s about time that I did. All these corruptive deals and unscrupulous first gentlemen and crooked systems and evasive tax benefits are seriously getting on my nerves. I purposely do not watch the local evening news because it’s tiring to hear about politicians squabble over who gets the bigger share of the pie. (I only get updates whenever I take a crap in the toilet where there’s a newspaper, and what perfect place to read it because it’s still full of sh**). To hell with their shares. What about mine? The middle-class worker who pays taxes diligently and yet gets screwed over by a society filled with kotong cops, lawless rich people running amok (and free) with drugs and government officials who do not function without padulas. It sucks, really.

But hey, don’t take my word for it. That clear and bright future remains elusive. At least for me.

But it’s not just the government. There’s too much history for me here. Those who know me will know. Wow how redundant. It’s too much to consider if I want to get a move on. No matter what I do, this is a place that the shadows of not-so-good things will always follow me around. And somehow the idea of getting away from it and living adventurously in a land far away is so much more appealing.

And besides, you can get so used to living up to so much expectation and pressure to make it big, that the concept of simple living is like paradise. You know, just earning enough to have food to eat, clothes on your back, and to enjoy the simplicities in life. That’s not to say that I don’t aspire for big and grand things. It’s just that here in the Philippines, you can’t expect that. One must work twice (or even thrice) as hard to even have something on the table. Again, that brings me to the making-taxes-work-for-you point.

So. I’m going blind into the future, not knowing what God holds in it for me, but still sure that it’s going to be better than what I can manage. What else can I do right? I may be able to live comfortably here and provide for myself and my family. But I guess I just need a change.

Anyway. Downloading forms. Taking assessment tests. Check, check. Now to fill up the forms and send them away.

Happy endings

I am really truly happy for some of my friends who have found the happiness they deserve. One got a Starbucks planner, a bag, and a devotional from someone really special on her birthday today. this time last year we were thinking if she would ever like anyone enough to consider getting into a relationship.

Two others just got married. Several more are expected to tie the knot this year. I mean, the love bug seemed to have gone on a biting spree in the last 2 years.

But happy endings don’t grow on trees. Some of us suffer well long enough before ending up walking the aisle. Some too long they don’t even recover. But what is it that really matters?

And I won’t even try to sugarcoat it. At the end of the day, it’s if you did the right thing even if it damn hurts; if you realize your worth not just to others but your self-worth; if you find that you are capable of forgiving more than what is deserved; if you can love even after Everything.

Most of the time I don’t get it and why God would even allow it to happen. But now I realize that in all of these, it’s either you end up with someone and you become more understanding, or you end up alone but you become more mature. Either way you’re supposed to become a better person. If it doesn’t then that’s a different story.

So to my friends who are in the process of finding their happy endings, let’s not give up. Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it. And who said God didn’t care?

He’s sometimes in that glimmer of hope. Or in that last strands of patience. Or the unexpected call. Or the bits of strength that get you through the day. Or the random coffee nights. Or even that once in a while bump-into-someone kind of events.

Who knows diba? Then maybe one of these days I’d be writing about how we found those happy endings after all.

This 2009…

I just know it’s going to be my year. I have this strange feeling things are going to be quite alright, even after 2008’s crumples and creases in all the wrong places.

He’s faithful, which I don’t always deserve, and He never misses to remind me that. I just need to figure out how to listen more.

And I will try not to be so pessimistic about things in life, forget the fact that I’ve fallen so many times and that that old irritating adage, ‘once a _____, always a _____’. I’ve filled out those blanks in too many ways. No. It will not be the same, for my sake. For Mia’s sake.

I will try to forget the thorns and refocus on the flowers. They’re so much more beautiful.

I wish you a happy 2009 ahead. May it be your year as well.

what’s different this year

If you’re going to ask me, I’d rather not greet you a Merry Christmas.

I’d rather wish for you to have a meaningful one. We’ve all heard about how the holiday merriment is just a plot of some evil and twisted fiend to make people forget about the true meaning of Christmas. It’s not just about that.

For the last 2 Sunday sermons, I realized why Happy Christmas and Grumpy Advent (celebrated during Holy Week) seem to have conspired to switch their personalities for Dopey Tradition’s sake. Well at least, this is in the Christian’s point of view.

Christmas is supposed to be the celebration of the birth of the world’s savior from eternal damnation because of sin. But we forget that Jesus was actually born to die.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son,” (John 3:16) and He “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Matt. 20:28)
“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness” (1Peter 2:24).

So come to think of it His birth was just the beginning of everything. including the many sufferings He endured for being a ‘radical’ of His time*. It was a difficult life that Jesus lead and to celebrate that is kind of suicide, don’t you think?

And when Jesus finally declared victory on the cross**, we are supposed to be in a state of unfathomable sorrow?

Some of our traditions do not always make sense to me. but at least this year it made a difference to me which is why I’m sharing it with you now.

I hope you have a meaningful one then!

—–

I noticed too that this year people are becoming smarter in giving gifts. The number of mugs i got this year: 2, down from 4 last year. Picture frames: 1, down from several in the last 3 years. Towels: 0.

And I’m actually happy to report that out of all the gifts Mia and I got this year, only 2 were relegated to the closet for “safe keeping” . But that’s only because they’re for Mia when she turns 3 next year.

It helps too when you just have a wish list

—-

*Isaiah 53:1-12
**1Peter 2:24, John 3:16

Bahaghari [lp]

The photo may not be much (phone camera lang po kasi), but the meaning is something else. God gave us the world and everything in it for us to enjoy. It’s a gift, like a parent’s present to a child, meant to be enjoyed, meant to be appreciated. But being flawed as we are, we abuse it. And we abuse our values that come with being stewards of it.

Hence the flood.

I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. 16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.” Genesis 9:15-17 (New International Version)

But He promised never to let it happen again. Now aren’t you glad to be enjoying this gift now?

Are you excited for tomorrow? [lp]

I was excited the first time I saw Mia at the nursery. I was excited during the first time she could crawl and sit up. I was excited everyday to go home to her. I still am.

These days, it’s hard to find anything to inspire us and be excited about because of the looming financial crisis. But once we find that inner peace in Him, there’s no reason not to look forward to the next day, and the next, and the next.

I wish this kind of peace for everyone so we can all be excited for the new year ahead of us. Take care!

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7, NIV

—

Canon EOS 400D. Mia.

Chocolate noses and celebrity shades

Those are just a few of the things I love about Mia. She can look silly or fab and still look cute doing it. And I love taking pictures of her (as do other people, hehe).

I really should be writing more about Mia and her anecdotes, but all the grownup stuff is making me forget! Being an adult sure is a lot of work. I wonder if there ever will be time that I won’t have to wake up early in the morning to rush to work and leave Mia crying with my mom. I guess that depends on God and His plans for us.

So I’ve been thinking, if I need to pursue that long postponed plan of applying to migrate to Canada. I admit I haven’t done a lot of praying. Just hoping that God will give me a divine sign. Something like a bright red flashing neon sign that says “Yes”? I really need to get my bearings and take this a lot more seriously, don’t I?

—

I miss this kind of blogging. I used to just rattle off things going through my head and not bother if anyone will read or comment on it.

—

Lately I’ve been haunted by past decisions. What to do with them is something I’m consulting with my Guidance Counselor up there. Right now, it’s a struggle to keep my behind in one place long enough to listen. Tsk, bad client. Focus, focus.

—

I bought these big bug-eyed celebrity shades in Bangkok for a cheap 100Baht. Mia loves it too.

hey paparazzis, i’m ready for you!

—

I’m eager to find out if Mia is a genius. I think she’s a very smart little girl.

—