If I had my way, there’s be no star at all.

One star for the closet-full stuff of couture stuff that the actresses modeled throughout the movie. But other than that, I was lucky I got out of that movie house alive.

I would’ve slaughtered myself for the crappy editing (the scenes were all being cut up in all the wrong places), the script that was like written by a bunch of 14-year olds during a slumber party, like, you know, like OMG.

For the hodgepodge of stories that didn’t really tie together pretty well, the extremely tacky endorsements of Nestle (because you all well know that Marian and Iza are both endorsers of Nestle products, and can you believe they actually inserted product taglines into the script!?), and for the horrible acting! I don’t know how many times I muttered “Please kill me now” while watching the movie.

The references to sex and its related activities were not amusing or even smart. Maybe I’ll give credit to Iza Calzado for playing the overacting post-partum depressed mother, and Ogie Alcasid’s willingness to undergo an entire body makeup and to kiss a boy — 5 times. Ok, that’s enough.

In a gist, I’d say Desperadas 2 was extremely painful to watch.