i’d like to take a break, please
all this season’s hype is getting to me: the pressure of having to complete my shopping by next week, christmas parties to attend to, and finding the right gifts! i am so overwhelmed by so many things needed to be done and my grownup side is really being pushed to the limit. it wasn’t long ago when all i had to think of is myself, my family and my friends. anything goes. no reason to be conscientious too much with spending both money and time. i had no one to answer to, except maybe my own limitations.
this year is quite different, as it was also last year. a year ago, my daily routine would take me to the hospital where mia was being incubated because of her premature entrance into this world. that would be twice a day, one in the morning, and one in the evening when i would have also saved enough breastmilk for her feeding times. the nurses in the nursery were all very familiar with me that they would often let me do the bottle feeding myself if i came in right in time (it wasn’t allowed normally allowed). it was also there that i would have to endure watching ABS-CB’s soaps and variety shows because that was their channel and i don’t exactly have arguing powers. sometimes though, they would tune in to 24 Oras on GMA7. well it’s ok. besides, i would be busy talking to mia and telling her to get better and that she should come home by Christmas, or if not, before New Year.
i would also keep a casual conversation with whoever was visiting that time and we would be exchanging stories about how our babies have been doing. it would eventually be a contest when we determine which baby is more good looking or has more attitude in the nursery. of course, i would always win because of my story of how i delivered my baby and because mia was so tiny, but mostly because she was so cute and had golden brown hair and was such a fighter that anyone who would ask how she’s doing i would have something new to say every time.
watching her weight was also in my daily checklist. her doctor gave her a weght requirement before she could come home with me, which was 4lbs. (she was 2.14lbs when she came out). it was a hurdle that we took one day at a time, and there were times when it didn’t change at all. during those times that her weight dropped because she got sick, it seemed to me like another day extending her stay at the hospital and away from me. but there were days that she had done so well that it made me cry.
last year, things were somewhat depressing. i spent Christmas day partly at the hospital and partly at my grandma’s house. i spent the entire time praying that we get to take her home before New Year’s. i spent half the time crying too. all my friends know how horrible i felt that time. save for the hormonal emotional spurts, i was not in a Christmasy mood.
i don’t know, but somehow everything that has happened to me in the past year has made me a lot more responsible. not just because i’m required to, but there’s that earnest feeling of having to step up my game in anything that i do. that i have to be reasonable always, and that i don’t just answer to myself, but to mia also.
sometimes i miss being a carefree, anything-goes kind of person. even in shopping! a while ago i was out trying to finish my gift list (midnight sale at Araneta Center’s malls — Gateway and SM) and i can’t seem to enjoy it. maybe because i keep thinking i have to finish early so i can get back to take care of mia. i’m pretty sure she’s not going to sleep early again because she has a habit of waiting up for me sometimes. or maybe because i have to carefully watch how i spend my Christmas bonus because you know, there are just more important stuff to buy.
i can feel peter pan and tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust on me. hehe. but well, many things are inevitable to happen, and taking more responsibility is one of them. i don’t regret anything i’ve done in the past, except maybe for some mistakes, but i’d like to take a break from all the hype now. all this rationalizing is making it even worse. i’m going back to that anything-goes mood. albeit a little more mature now.
i’ll be sharing some great shopping finds next time. i’ll also be featuring a new post category, which doesn’t have a title yet and whose concept is still in the works. watch out for it. 
