Nap Time Rocks!

holding the world in your hands

yesterday my doctor allowed me to hold mia. not just through the incubator, but actually carry her in my arms, or rather my hands. she was bundled up and looked so small that she could fit in my two hands. right before the nurse handed my my baby i was allowed to feel a split second of fear and hesitation because i didn’t know how to hold a baby, let alone this one who looked so frail that i might break her, and i didn’t know what to say to her.

mercifully her eyes were covered so that she couldn’t judge my inexperience; but she seemed to feel my nervousness when she let out a small whimper. i could only stare at her and be awed at the fact that i am actually holding my baby. i really did think for a second that she didn’t want to be held because she kept squirming in my hands. when she started to breastfeed though, it felt as if everything else was ok. her doctor and nurses were actually surprised that she could suck well, for a preemie.

anyway my routine has changed again, since i will be visiting her twice a day now to breastfeed. i’m really hoping that the change will also mean that she gains weight faster now. thanks for all the prayers!

Improvements

2 days later, I am happy to report that Mia has made a small feat. she is now feeding milk orally. (yey!) i’m visiting her later to bring her milk, something which i plan to do everyday no matter what. the nurses at the hospital seem to be considering me as a bother and it has really irritated me a bit.

and you thought nurses at the nursery station would be as endearing as the babies in them. i thought they’d be more “considerate” with the mommies that have babies in incubators but i guess i just watch too much tv. well they better get used to seeing me around for the next couple of days. (or less, i hope!)

the world stood still

when i saw her. the feeling was incomparable to anything i have felt my whole life. it was a transition to another world where only she mattered.

This is mia Mishka Andrea. She’s still small at 42cm and 2.14lbs but i’m hoping that she’ll grow bigger soon. It was rather soon that she decided to surprise us all last November 20, but I’m happy nonetheless. She’s an early Christmas gift.

and i cried. because she’s so tiny and i wanted to hold her but i couldnt. i wanted to tell her everything will be ok, and i hoped she could understand. i wanted her to come home with me, but she couldnt.

I went to see her today and she hasn’t changed a bit. I know, it’s only been a couple of days. You can’t really blame anyone who went through hours of labor and “un-anesthetized” delivery for worrying so much. I guess having gone through all that stuff has given me a whole different perspective on motherhood. I used to just take it for granted. *sniff* I miss her already.

I can’t even look at her pictures and her video without crying and feeling so helpless. I can’t even do anything to help her get better. I can just pray that she starts feeding soon and that she recognizes my touch or my voice when I visit her everyday. *hay*

please pray for mia, so she can come home soon.

name crisis

i am going crazy over which name to pick. andreana sounded fine, but i also want something different (that doesn’t sound like my 2nd name, because people are saying it sounds like adrienne) or something that will work by itself. also something with a cute nickname.

help me please? tell me which one you like (for a girl, of course):