Nap Time Rocks!

#019

i was looking at a big black german shepherd dog this morning, sitting in all its glory, sun shining on its fur (fur? is that what you call it?). and then it stood up and i saw it was missing its front right leg. yes, all of it. no stub. the poor dog was hopping around. so much for the glory that was the german shepherd’s.

***

the headlines are reading the blatant corruption of our officials. they say they’re scamming our funds in millions. and then they have the nerve to ask money from hard-working individuals like me? damn these money-sucking b*st*rds.

***

my mother just gave me the best advice this morning.

“wag kang magmadali. darating din yan!”

“ang mga career woman ngayon, talagang late na nag-aasawa. tingnan mo si karen davila, 32 years old na nung nag-asawa.”

“ma!”

haha, mothers. no wonder you just love them.

***

taguan

“tagu-taguan, maliwanag ang buwan…”

there’s something profound about waiting and hiding, did you know? a simple children’s game, and what you got is a funny look at yourself and God. kids are not so impatient when they go into hiding, giggling, proud of the accomplishment of ducking and staying hidden. but adults? oh no. they never appreciate the silver moon in a dark night. they always want an answer. now.

“…’wag maglaro, sa dilim-diliman.”

and no matter how often you tell them, they play hide-and-seek — with God. and just as how elusive we are to Him, so are the things that we seek. because they also hide. tsk, tsk.

“isa … “

no matter how persistent the pursuit, grown-ups do not as easily crumble as kids would. even with so much as a muted giggle, a child will very much give away his hiding place and will find no difficulty touching base. and what of a mature man? he will never give up his throne. never.

“dalawa … “

and when it’s his turn to search and conquer, it will be with so much reluctance. and sometimes we feel like God is hiding. i think God would, like a child, let out an occasional laugh that if we just earnestly follow, will lead to His hiding place. He’s not so hard to find after all.

“tatlo … “

so when do we throw up our hands in frustration of finding what needs to be found? when do you give up hiding behind the boulders of your shortcomings? don’t stifle that breath. you will need that to find yourself.

#017

dear God,

i have defiled the entirety that is myself and i ask Your forgiveness. how many times have i asked favor in Your eyes? how many times did i also doubt the promise of your unprejudiced pardon?

right now i wish not to explain how you grant forgiveness to someone like myself. no, not rationally, which is Man’s way. after all, not all things can be explained logically. like Your grace, Your mercy, Your love, Your justice.

neither emotionally, which is often times my way. but i want to acknowlede you in the way You want me to — through Your Spirit. how this should happen, i just don’t know.

now is the time of the surrendering of the will. only then do i see the ‘big picture’. only then does the spirit have its silence.

#016

i love calvin!

#015

“Cold flower heads are raining over my heart.
Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked.”(-Neruda)

…when you can’t have what you want. (or rather, who you want).

a mushy story

buses swept by in front of her, blurring the vision of the other side of the street in repeated episodes. she must cross the street; never mind that death dangled even in the cardboard signages on the vehicles.

standing on the curb of a busy street, the girl with a mission started getting rather annoyed stares from civilians who would rather have the sidewalk wider without her on it. she was taking up space.

‘are you gonna cross the street or what, lady!?’, said one look.

she had not always been a risk-taker. she was completely content with her own, quiet, albeit a little boring life. that much she willingly admitted. until, of course, the complications of love had made a ‘mess’ out of it. nevertheless, the lessons she learned in the process of realigning her life with this new-found love had been all worth it.

the girl with a mission to cross the street returned to the sight before her. it was suicide. it was hell. but stepping back onto the middle of the rushing highway of foot traffic was equally perilous. she had no choice.

she had also not realized that time had been consumed. the traffic flanking her two sides seemed to ignore her growing fright and panic. boldly, she took the first step.

then the second, then the third. vehicles let out an outbreak of honks and screeches while the girl criss-crossed her way across the street. a bumper near-misses her. she let out a gasp, but, thank God, she was still intact. just a few more feet…

like breaking away from a horrid nightmare (a redundancy, i know), the girl is extremely relieved to be finally standing on the other side of the street. how she had passed through unscathed — with just some emotional bruises — was mystifying to her. she simply looked up and murmured a heartfelt ‘thank you’.

“well, what took you so long?” someone came up to her. it was not so much as a scolding, but a teasing comment made in such a sweet manner.

“i was caught up… in the traffic. i’m sorry.” the girl smiled with love in her eyes.

“it doesn’t really matter,” he said taking her hand in his, “you’re here now, aren’t you?” suddenly, the girl realized, it wasn’t a very scary world anymore.

——
I lack the mental capacity to avoid being mushy. so there, i hope you like it.