untitled continued, #6
A song. It reminded me of a song. I couldn’t place it, it’s been so long since I listened. But I must focus at the task at hand. The gift was not demanding my attention. There was someone who needed me. He needed me.
Or so I unfortunately and desperately thought. I strained to see; I had the feeling that he really did not require my presence here. I can feel it, a sharp pang to my heart. The skies flashed a different hue for a split second. It turned a deep blue. But the people around me did not notice at all.
The ground seemed to shake, but I think that was just me. He didn’t need me now. Not yet. But he will. I thought it was just my imagination but it began to drizzle. As if on cue, tears welled up inside me. Dreams awaited me at home, but I chose to be here. I abandoned my desires and followed you willingly, here, of all places. Why must you trade me for things which cannot last even half a lifetime?
These arguments, unforgiving, must be nursed. I am running after something so elusive, and failure has greeted me at every corner so far. Surely, this is who Love is, and I am not about to give up. The rain soaked my bones with such unhappiness.
June 8th, 2005 at 1:27 am
I know what it’s like to chase after something and/or someone that isn’t ready. As well as the rain falling, when I am incapable of crying. Nature herself does so for those that seem to, and cannot; or cries along with them. But the tears of my own that I miss falling, do not fall so easily as before. I’m not sure if you’ve found what you’re looking for, and even though I’m some stranger commenting on such a beautiful and heartfelt entry such as this, if you ever need or want a friend- someone to listen and someone to just be there, if in time you find and are interested in me becoming a friend, I’d like to try.
Sincerely,
Richard (”Milenya”)
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